Friday, September 1, 2006

1. ETHANOL: IT TAKES OIL TO GROW CORN - IT ALSO TAKES WATER.

Gov. Blagojevich of Illinois, a Democrat seeking a second term, has a plan for Illinois to reduce dependence on foreign oil: burn food instead. Corn and soybean farmers love the idea, but there are a few problems; most frequently cited is the energy balance. A Department of Agriculture report claims modern farming methods have turned the energy balance positive, but others, Ted Patzek at UC Berkeley in particular, say if you include everything, including production of fertilizer and insecticide, the energy balance is still negative. If ethanol has any future as an energy source, it will come from cellulosic waste products and not corn (WN 31 Mar 06) , but that process has a long way to go to be practical. An energy supply that depends on the weather is another worry. This year many of the major corn producing states are in a severe drought.

2. RAIN: GOVERNOR OF SOUTH DAKOTA CALLED FOR A WEEK OF PRAYER.

Gov. Mike Rounds of South Dakota, the state hardest hit by the severe drought in the plains, proclaimed the last week of July to be A WEEK TO PRAY FOR RAIN. Not a drop has fallen from the heavens on South Dakota since. The governor used the wrong technology. You pray to get out of Iraq, for rain you dance.

3. BLASPHEMY: SHAW DIDN'T REALLY SAY IT, BUT HE SHOULD HAVE.

Never mess around with a George Bernard Shaw quote. Last week I added a phrase to a line from Annajanska, The Bolshevik Empress, to make a point. You can't imagine how many Shaw fans wrote to tell me the phrase does not exist. A few people, however, saw right through it. They knew Shaw would have said it better.

4. EVOLUTION: POPE PREPARES TO EMBRACE INTELLIGENT DESIGN THEORY.

It appears, however, that the departure of George Coyne as director of the Vatican Observatory was the result of a colon cancer operation earlier in the year. He asked to be replaced. The Vatican, unfortunately, made no comment at all, leading to speculation about the cause. It is widely believed that the Church will become more closely aligned to anti-evolutionists.

5. STEM CELLS: BUSH OPPOSES ANY USE OF HUMAN EMBRYOS IN RESEARCH.

Scientists have succeeded in growing colonies of embryonic stem cells using a technique that does not destroy the embryo from which the initial cell is taken. Religious opposition is based on the belief that a soul is assigned to the zygote at the moment of conception. Therefore the colony is a twin. One might wonder exactly how a single cell enjoys the delights of heaven.

6. DOE: WANNA USE OUR COMPUTER? LEAVE THE WINDOW BLINDS OPEN.

Not to worry, the agency says, the new rule won't be implemented as written. The price of logging on to a DOE computer is a banner asserting the DOE's right to monitor your computer habits.

Bob Park can be reached via email at whatsnew@bobpark.org
THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND
Opinions are the author's and are not necessarily shared by the University, but they should be.