Friday, 25 August 2000

1. VITAMIN O: THE RESURRECTION.
In November 1998, USA Today ran an ad promoting the health benefits of "Vitamin O." After WN exposed it as salt water (WN 27 Nov 98), the Federal Trade Commission charged Rose Creek Health Products Inc - the makers of "Vitamin O" - with fraud. Last May, the FTC announced that Donald Smyth, Rose Creek president, would pay $375,000 in redress and was prohibited from claiming that Vitamin O has any health benefits (WN 5 May 00). You'd think that would be the end of Smyth. Instead, he moved just a few doors down the street, renamed the company R-Garden Internationale and brazenly continues to sell "Vitamin O." Now he markets it with a packet of testimonials that praise its miraculous healing power. At the bottom of every page, in a font as scant as his scruples, he states that he "makes no medical claims as to the benefits of any products." While fraudulent companies now may hesitate to run full page ads in major papers, they'll bank on the FTC's not having enough resources to police every "mom and pop" scam.

2. REFORM PARTY ANTICS: WHO GETS TO WASTE THE $12.6 MILLION?
The Reform Party held its convention and, in a slight departure from political tradition, boldly chose two Presidential nominees. Physicist John Hagelin (WN 24 Nov 99) now accuses talk-show-host Patrick Buchanan of polluting the party. How could he tell? The battle is over who gets the $12.6 million federal contribution to their losing effort. The Federal Election Commission will rule on the matter in just ten days. But Darryl Wold, the FEC Chairman, declared that the election laws "don't provide any guidance" and it's possible that the two nominees will have to split the money. Call it retail politics: a two-for-one special.

3. FALL FASHION TIP: YOU JUST HAVE TO WEAR MAGNETS, DAAAHLING.
The word this season... accesorize! There are just sooooo many delicious items: the Eclipse magnetic pendant, the Solar magna- ball bracelet, the Lyon Magnetic Ear Stud. Don't forget to sashay down to Florsheim for a pair of Magna-Force shoes (WN 11 AUG 00). And ladies - there's Lum magnetic lipstick for the perfect effulgence! Men: just a touch of Essential 7 magnetic fragrance - remember, less is more! Now, just one more item to complete the outfit: Gary Null's unisex magnetic underwear. It "penetrates the prostate, colon, ovaries, uterus and reproductive organs." (Probably not all on the same person.) Advertisers for magnetic products say they're effective because the pineal gland is a "magnetic engine." Fine, so put the shorts where they can do the most good - on your head. That way the rest of us will know who you are. Just another WN style tip. Ta Ta!



Bob Park can be reached via email at whatsnew@bobpark.org
THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND
Opinions are the author's and are not necessarily shared by the University, but they should be.