Friday, 25 August 2000
1. VITAMIN O: THE RESURRECTION.
In November 1998, USA Today ran
an ad promoting the health benefits of "Vitamin O." After WN
exposed it as salt water
(WN 27 Nov 98),
the Federal Trade
Commission charged Rose Creek Health Products Inc - the makers of
"Vitamin O" - with fraud. Last May, the FTC announced that
Donald Smyth, Rose Creek president, would pay $375,000 in redress
and was prohibited from claiming that Vitamin O has any health
(WN 5 May 00).
You'd think that would be the end of
Smyth. Instead, he moved just a few doors down the street,
renamed the company R-Garden Internationale and brazenly
continues to sell "Vitamin O." Now he markets it with a packet
of testimonials that praise its miraculous healing power. At the
bottom of every page, in a font as scant as his scruples, he
states that he "makes no medical claims as to the benefits of any
products." While fraudulent companies now may hesitate to run
full page ads in major papers, they'll bank on the FTC's not
having enough resources to police every "mom and pop" scam.
2. REFORM PARTY ANTICS: WHO GETS TO WASTE THE $12.6 MILLION?
The Reform Party held its convention and, in a slight departure from
political tradition, boldly chose two Presidential nominees.
Physicist John Hagelin
(WN 24 Nov 99)
now accuses talk-show-host
Patrick Buchanan of polluting the party. How could he tell? The
battle is over who gets the $12.6 million federal contribution to
their losing effort. The Federal Election Commission will rule
on the matter in just ten days. But Darryl Wold, the FEC
Chairman, declared that the election laws "don't provide any
guidance" and it's possible that the two nominees will have to
split the money. Call it retail politics: a two-for-one special.
3. FALL FASHION TIP: YOU JUST HAVE TO WEAR MAGNETS, DAAAHLING.
The word this season... accesorize! There are just sooooo many
delicious items: the Eclipse magnetic pendant, the Solar magna-
ball bracelet, the Lyon Magnetic Ear Stud. Don't forget to
sashay down to Florsheim for a pair of Magna-Force shoes
(WN 11 AUG 00).
And ladies - there's Lum magnetic lipstick for the
perfect effulgence! Men: just a touch of Essential 7 magnetic
fragrance - remember, less is more! Now, just one more item to
complete the outfit: Gary Null's unisex magnetic underwear. It
"penetrates the prostate, colon, ovaries, uterus and reproductive
organs." (Probably not all on the same person.) Advertisers for
magnetic products say they're effective because the pineal gland
is a "magnetic engine." Fine, so put the shorts where they can
do the most good - on your head. That way the rest of us will
know who you are. Just another WN style tip. Ta Ta!